I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
