I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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