Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
