Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
