garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
