I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
