drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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