She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
