the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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