there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
