She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
