When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
