This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it's like iHOP with fire
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
