I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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