dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
