White coat. Heels.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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