I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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