and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
