some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
