dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He kissed a someone with a penis
Four minutes until I can fart!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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