He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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