I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
