I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
