How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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