i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
