; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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