I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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