honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
