I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
