Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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