are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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