they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
