Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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