The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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