i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
