Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
