So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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