im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
