there was a trapeze. enough said
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though