I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.