How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life