white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.