You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say