Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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