Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
