Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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