I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
