To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
