I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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