THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
