actually, I'm a sock model
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
