sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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