did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
