I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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