I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
