So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would fuck him just for his dog
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