what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
