plz talk dirty to me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
