So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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