im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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