If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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