My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
