i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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