the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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