we made out on top of his cat.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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