Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
