I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
