I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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