you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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