omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
